The Good Book

I’ve never quite realised how many people have died on account of religion.

A few stories of my father’s (which also revealed he believes in God, and Catholicism, shockingly) showed me that schools in the 70s were almost at war with each other, fighting over the religion their schools educated them with. He was telling me that Catholicism was driven into him as a child and that he was forced into the religion by his highly faithful parents, which spurred him to rebel against it. The surprising thing is that when I asked, “Would you have rebelled against Catholicism, or even religion, if your parents hadn’t done that?” he responded with an unfaltering “no”.

Twenty years down the line and I’ve always assumed my parents were atheist or at least non-committal, purely on account of the fact religion is never mentioned, followed or championed in the household, yet I discover that the ideals of Christianity and monotheistic religion are instilled firmly into a person that in all honesty doesn’t fit the stereotype.

He told me of how he sees the Church as an incredible place of safety, a place where the lowest of lives and situations can be soothed and recovered, no matter the underlying reason. To an extent I understand that idea. Anonymous discussion with someone who is experienced in hearing other people’s problems can be cathartic, and if it wasn’t for all the contradiction, fervour and inaccuracies, I’d say any religious document has a reasonable subtext of advice, but that’s all it is. It’s no different than talking to a psychiatrist on a couch, a best mate in the pub, or anyone sound minded enough to give objective advice. Considering the Bible was odds on written by educated, albeit criminally deluded men, of course the advice will come through. I’d even go so far as to say that such a beautifully crafted book of lies (for its time – today’s YouTube culture means anyone can see through the bullshit nowadays) could be considered a decent standard of morality and value, if you got rid of Jesus, the Apostles, infantile stories of plague and miracle and vast contradiction.

The question then is, “Why add all these lies?” Why do you need to dream up this totalitarian character that loves you but punishes you and sends you to Hell if you don’t do what he says? Why not just stick the all the advice and moral information into a Big Bumper Book of What Not to Do and be done with it? The people who started all this nonsense clearly thought by instilling the fear of the unknown into people (i.e. thunder, lightning, death, disease are all attributed to this “God” person, seeing as Scientific Method didn’t exist back then), they would become better people and do better for the survival of the race as a whole. There’s plenty of fiction with central messages designed to drum morality into children, especially in education. Fables such as the Tortoise and the Hare, Goldilocks and even more complex outings like Animal Farm bring with them values, and present them innocently and unobtrusively enough for them to be widely accepted.

Take the concept of generosity for example. A nice simple story about some industrious little squirrel hoarding all his nuts for the winter, letting all the other hungry squirrels have some simply and succinctly teaches you about giving and diligent work ethic. On the religious side, Jesus creates bread and fish from nowhere, gives them all to the hungry (generous as an act alone, yes), but then arrogantly proclaims, “I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger: and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.”, which translates to, “I’ll give you food, but only if you spiritually masturbate my ego and generally worship me.” Mr. Squirrel’s story has a message of “I worked hard for this. You may have some. Next year, you all work hard too. Everybody’s a winner.” Jesus is saying, “I was given the ability to make food from nowhere by my equally ability rich father, and using this I shall provide for you, on the condition you glorify me.” The only miracle performed here was Jesus conning people into believing he was a hero, when all he was doing was riding on Daddy’s coattails. No hard work. No morality. No nothing. What a complete fucking copout.

The clever thing about Feeding the Multitudes is that basic psychology converts the weak minded to Jesus’ side. There’s plenty of starving people in the area, so Jesus giving a load of food to all the malnourished people (with the promise of more food if you follow him) sounds like a neat little scheme. You give your dog a treat if it sits down on command. Jesus gives hungry tramps food if they bark his name around the local bazaar. After all, a hungry man will do anything for food.

And that’s not even the start of it. How do you explain the wars, genocide and death attributed to religion? If people were fighting for basic freedoms, liberties and human rights rather than for some unsubstantiated being, then fair enough. Take the Protestant/Catholic conflicts in Ireland, the absurdly named “War on Terror”, or any from a number of Medieval Crusades and you’ll find death tolls of ridiculous proportion, but for what? All groups of people who fight for something they passionately believe in (a concept I accept, respect and try to uphold, within the bounds of good sense), but something that defies all logic and reason.

It’s like killing someone because they think Santa uses a magic key to get into your house rather than coming down the chimney; both methods are valid, but both are based on a man that clearly doesn’t exist. Past the age of ten, most children discover Santa doesn’t exist; but is believing in him any different to believing in someone who can control everything? The idea of a man with a red coat riding on reindeer at night and delivering presents can be dissected by the most naive of young children, yet an eternal invisible man living in the sky that can see, hear and control everything is perfectly acceptable, even to the minds of fully developed adults? Religion’s fundamental concept is flawed. There isn’t an invisible man living in the sky. There isn’t someone watching everything we do. There isn’t someone listening to our prayers and thoughts, yet billions buy into it and kill each other for the name of their God.

You’d think that an all knowing, all powerful being could conjure up money, fix the Church roof, cheer up the orphaned kids who got molested when they were 6 months old, end famine, cure disease, stop war and kill mass murderers, paedophiles and all other sick minded individuals. You’d think that they’d at least do the odd miracle every hundred years, just to keep people on their toes and believing in them. You’d think atheists and non-believers would be rounded up and shot, or in an act of mercy, at least brainwashed into believing God existed. You’d think God would make people pray on any day other than Sunday, being his day off and all, rather than encourage it.

Unfortunately, there’s also a fundamental flaw with people, which sort of trickles into religion. People don’t make sense and refuse to think logically. This could be the reason why so many follow their Gods so blindly. All the people I know who do think like this are almost always non-religious, or at least open minded enough to consider all possibilities. If everyone approached aspects of life with the same free thinking that I admire (not trying to sound elitist here, believe me), then maybe people wouldn’t be dying because Allah told some Fundamentalists that the Western World were infidels. Maybe we wouldn’t be so politically correct and anal about everything. It genuinely upsets me, seeing people say things purely out of their own interests. When you go to a friend for advice, that’s what you want, not something they’re obsessed with shoved down your throat, just for their own gratification.

My father also told me that I was christened a Methodist purely so I could make my own choice about my faith (well, lack of it), something I wholly respect on the grounds that it is a logical and sensible decision. He said it was the forced Catholicism from his parents that made him decide this, which I understand, but what fails to engage me is his belief in God. Where does it come from? If he’s rebelled against this concept from an early age, then why is it he still returns to it? Has anyone got any ideas?

I’d ask God, but I fear he’d want my worship in return...

Peace